Q: Can you talk about your inspiration for this work?
A: I’d been thinking a lot about my parents getting older and my dad, slowly fading away, not being able to communicate as much as he used to. I feel like I saw the signs much earlier than my mom did. And I think because of that, I was “ready.” But it took her awhile to accept it and to do something about it. She's usually a very strong, resilient woman, kind of keeps everything in. I was just waiting for the realization to hit her. That happened earlier this year; he was diagnosed with dementia. I think she needed real, factual evidence from a medical professional, and that was it. Now, it’s more like the process of accepting it. I think seeing my mom’s grief is what got me started painting their portraits.
So the lead singer of FUN, his college band was called The Format. They have this song called Snails and I just love it; it’s so happy. One of the lyrics is, “Snails see the benefits, the beauty in every inch.” It’s a way to slow everything down; I think it’s a beautiful way of saying, “Don’t fly through life, don’t skip over the really important moments because you’re so concerned with how much time you have left.” Because a snail has no idea, you know? And that’s sort of how I was personifying my parents – they live life so slowly and in the moment, seeing the world in this beautiful simplicity. I started painting this little snail and its slime trail, there’s a web and an earthworm and a tiny chrysalis. My hope was when you look at the whole wall of paintings you really have to get up close, to take your time to notice the small things and to understand what it’s all about.
Q: Has being in such close proximity to your parents made your work easier or harder?
A: Making them before... I was feeling really sentimental for home. When I first started out it was really more about, “Well, I've never drawn my parents.” You think that you know their faces so well, but when you draw them you have to look so much closer. And I looked until I started to see my own face. Back then it felt more meaningful because they weren’t there. But now I’m physically stuck in the place I was trying to describe while I was away from it… it’s really different. The things that I wanted to paint, the things that reminded me of home, they’re right in front of me. So it’s easier to describe what it actually feels like to be here, instead of what it feels like to miss it. I was trying to exude a sense of home – not necessarily a reflection on being away. It’s all very present now, it’s just… different.
Q: In your artist statement you describe your parents home as, “suffocating, but beautiful in its simplicity.” I’m wondering if you could talk a bit about that.
A: Well, I have a lot of different feelings about being in this house. I love this house; and most of the time I love feeling at home here. This is where I grew up and I have a lot of great memories. But it’s so isolated from the rest of the world. It's suffocating because you get this close-mindedness and this detachment from the world. Everyone who goes to high school here gets a job here, gets married early, and lives here for the rest of their life. Leaving for Ithaca felt like, “Okay, I can breathe again.” When I come home it's a different sense of relief. I think I can concentrate more on the present and the simple things. Like, how can you worry about a global pandemic when you’re thinking, “I have to do the dishes,” or “I have to mow the lawn.” That said, I think we're all talking about the pandemic as a distraction for our own issues now. It’s the easier thing to be sad about.
Q: Do you feel like these circumstances have created an entirely new project? Is this still the work that you set out to make?
A: It’s definitely not an entirely new thing. Instead of thinking about memory in the past or looking towards the future, now it’s more about where we are now. It’s an appreciation of living life slowly and thoughtfully. Everything will end – life is life because there is death. But the only thing I can do is accept that, and know that making art is a productive thing.
Q: What themes recur in your work?
A: Thinking about my work overall, I like focusing on nature and how it relates to humanity. Humans as a collective, we tend to cut ourselves off from the natural world and think of ourselves as a different entity, when really we are animals, we came from the Earth, we’re part of it. I’m always thinking about that relationship. I am part of the Earth, I am responsible for it, it’s up to us to take care of it. This work is so different and much more personal for me. Usually I do these surreal, fantastical things. This work is more to do with the concept of home, and why I think about nature in the way that I do. My parents have definitely instilled that in me, that being outside and being with nature is the most alive you can feel.
Q: Do you have any essentials for art making? Any rituals or routines?
A: Well, I have my favorite brushes that I always use, and one in particular that I pick up first. It’s round and pretty ratty, but it’s the one that I know will get me to paint. I like starting with green, greens are so exciting to mix.
Q: Why painting?
A: Before coming into the art department, before meeting my advisor, Dara Engler, I felt like everything I ever made had to be perfect. Now I completely believe that you have to make mistakes and bad drawings. That said, I’ve always really loved painting; I felt like it was something I was good at, like a natural talent. But I wasn’t confident enough to go to school for that (I came into Ithaca as a theatre major). Watercolor had always been my go-to, but when I took Intro to Painting it was all oil paint; and it was so… beautiful. And so fun. It felt professional and official because oil paint is heavier and thicker. Blending the colors is so easy. It’s such a creamy, wonderful medium. It's really meditative too. I get frustrated with drawing because I always find myself erasing everything and starting over, but painting I just let the paint cover itself. It's more like blending, and shaping form with color. Some people might do yoga or read a book, but I can daydream and reflect while I’m painting. It’s comforting.
Q: What are you most proud of?
A: I’m proud of accepting the fact that I want to paint and that is my major and that is okay. I’m proud of myself for being confident, for not stuttering when someone asks, “What do you go to school for?” I'm painting, I’m a painter.
